After a night where I completely let out what was inside of me to a friend I felt better and more lax about the whole situation that Im in.. my friend read what I wrote about yesterday and she just told me that I feel incomplete in what I have well she was almost correct only thing she missed was that the person that felt incomplete was Goof.. I stated everything to her what happened what is going on and she gave me some food for thought on what I should do in the situation.
A) She says if Im truly at a peace of mind leaving the situation where it is and placing a shell over myself to shy away from the situation then I'd be a hypocrite to what I try preach to my other half.
B) You can birate her.. show her your a better person and show her she fucked up.. but thats just not my style.
C) Be the bigger person and talk to her no matter how wrong she or I were to each other. She says if I do really care for someone as much as I state I do.. I shouldn't let something so small derail me from what I truly believe..
Well lets just say a few minutes ago I went with option C.. Im frustrated and I do want something real something strong thats what I want.. She told me the other night that there was something missing.. She said I was perfect and that Im always there and everything is covered.. but why something missing ? ..as I read her blog since I havent been on for the longest time.. she states "I cant trust him" if thats the problem Im willing to work on that aspect of why she cant trust me Im ready to do down hard if lord need me be..
thanks amanda !! i needed that talk last night also mr.bueno thanks alot !! for helping me through.. kinda councel me about it lol
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Update 2009
Whoa ! feels like forever since I have stated something on here.. actually it has been forever haha, First and foremost I just wanna let u the reader know that Im still alive and well, and if u wish otherwise of me like many of u do.. sorry to disappoint u =]
Well First things first I made the trip to the Philippines at the end of may till early june for the first time in a little over 3 years(longest Ive gone without going home) I miss my family already in the Philippines and all my cousins aunts uncles and grandparents. Thank you all for showing my family and I a great time as usual whenever we make our way out there. As you may have known Ive been dating a certain someone for quite sometime now and Its been great =] except for the part where i called here to say Hi and she drops a bomb shell on me thats shes joining the air force.. thats all fine and well and thats not what im irritated over its more because she dint even tell me she was thinking about it neither discussed it with me.. Me.. the person she "Loves" ? hmmmm fishy things.. but hey what could I do about it being 8000 miles away throw a fit and ruin my trip ? sike ! haha
I got back to a wonderful coming home from friends and family early in june.. 1st thing I went to do was go see Goof and to see how she was doing everything went well for about 1 week or so then we had our first fight ahhhh the happiness of relationship life doesnt always carry a positive aura around them. About a week later we went on a break for the first time because she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship.. which she clearly did state to me in the begining.. But ten why sucker me into being in a realtionship with you if thats not what U wanted ? her response.. "I dont wanna lose you" thats lovely I guess ? I knew from the begining she dint want anything with me because it took her friend and not her own decision to be with me, Yes your all probably wondering who the friend is but im gonna keep that to myself and goof.. Thanks by the way jackie for that ;]
We're on a break a second time and do you know what we fought about this time ? because she says Im trying to change her lol yea.. just for the record when we argue its like a person talking to air or maybe jesus ? you never get any response from the other.. I'll let you decide on whos role is whos.. and then she goes "I feel like your my parent" well hellfuckinglo if you said something instead of shutting the fuck up there maybe this would be something else rather than this shit! She forced herself to try and love and and hey i guess thats deserves aplause cause atleast there was effort there.. "ergo" the need for a golf clap.
So one night I take her to Musashi to go eat and talk shit out.. everythings well and she says shes going to work on bettering herself toward me.. after dinner at musashi i drop her off at her car parked at a gas station somewhere in chinatown.. before she does I ask her.. "call me when you get to scott's house k ?" she replies "ok" ..she doesnt call and then she twitters "havent heard from mav all day, wish he would call more" lol do you see something wrong here ? yea i know clipse that shit ! "u too" So already after we've talked not ever minutes after she messed up already.. but thats shit is little just let that shit go ya know ?
So I invite her over cause we havent seen each other in a few days cause of work and our schedules.. we go out to eat cause shes hungry and everything is cool.. usual us just messing around having a good time and talking about what were gonna do later which is usually stay the night at her house like she normally asks me to. We come back from dinner and look up movie times to go see a flick later on that night and while doing tha we were browsing through her pictures in her mac book.. and while going through some I throw a little "jab" if you would call it that by saying "gosh some of your friends make me look smaller" I had no intention of making fun of anyone wholeheartedly.. shes already mad at this point but doesnt show it or tell me as usual.. we get in the car and she lets out and tells me whats wrong but as usual i have to fucking force it out of her like im trying to rob someone ! so the whole way to the movies I appologize and tell her "it will NEVER happen again" and when I say that she knows i mean never again ! she still keeps jawing about it cause she thinks I dont have the right to say that.. I guess.. But just few nights before she was dissing her friend hard !! from my phone and her friend thought it was me for a sec until she told him it was her.. lol what sucks is her friends dont even like me.. her sister never had a good feeling about me and some friends as well but I cant help what they feel ya know ? I just do me and try to prove to them that Im not what they think.. So we go to the movies and I walk ahead of her instead of being the gentleman than Im =] I go ahead and go to the movies and meet her there 5 mins later.. we go in the theatre and i pull the armbar down because im this point im ticked off ! she goes "o so you mad at me now ?" i reply with HER usual reply.. "its whatever" we sit through the whole movie without saying a word to each other.. we get out of the theatre and I again I walk ahead of her.. this time she goes "can you please walk with me" I try to until we get downstairs where I headed to the sportsbook for a bit..
We meet each other in the car and Im still giving her the "no talking" shit she gives me whenever we argue.. (she starts getting frustrated) she ask where are we going now ? I go "I dont know its whatever" shes ticked evern more and finally decided to take me home.. she was asking which way to go and the whole way i reply with "I dont know its whatever" she is almost over the edge and for those of you thinking Im being a dickhead at this point you have to understand.. she does this to me all the time and I just wanted her to get a taste of her own medicine.. We get to my house and still no words exchanged.. She tries to talk to me and I dont say anything on purpose just to see how she would react.. she gets out of the car and says "im gonna get your sis to get you" shes popped at this moment.. I ask her "it doesnt feel good does it ?" you know what her reply was ? .."its whatever" lmao almost comical right ? obviously it wasnt whatever because actions speak louder than words.. We get in her car again and I drive off for us to talk.. and wow what a Suprise same scene all over again whenever we argue.. you get the picture ? she says we need a break again ? I reply "I cant be with someone that runs away from the issue or problem everything it surfaces" I told her if thats what she really wants so be it.. She wants the break to "better herself". On the drive again back to my house I reply with "If we break I dont nothing to do with you, first off you tricked me in being in this shit! and now this.. If we break to better yourself.. do it for your god damn self but dont come back ! you cant fix something that requires 2 people" as we pull up to my house I ask "Is there anything you wanna say before I go?" she replies "what do you want me to say ?"
I reply.. Stopping this break would be a good start but you obviously dont have that in your DNA ! I get out and close the door without looking back.. I get in the house say hi to moms and tell her i need to get out to get a drink i grabbed some cd's and from there went to my car to drive of to matts to meet him.. but as I go out I see goofs car still outside.. was she crying ? thinking about things ? idk she had tint so I couldnt really tell.. theres 2 scenarios that could've happened.. she could have thought about things and was she making a mistake or it couldve been she just really doesnt want anything to do with me.. either way.. Ive spoke my peace..
Im here she knows everywhich way to get a hold of me but I cant take this shit of lies and trickery. I can be civil and talk if need be wanted but thats her move not mine all she has to do is "open her mouth"
ahhhh an update turned into a vent session ! dammit !! thanks for reading everyone ! much love !!
Well First things first I made the trip to the Philippines at the end of may till early june for the first time in a little over 3 years(longest Ive gone without going home) I miss my family already in the Philippines and all my cousins aunts uncles and grandparents. Thank you all for showing my family and I a great time as usual whenever we make our way out there. As you may have known Ive been dating a certain someone for quite sometime now and Its been great =] except for the part where i called here to say Hi and she drops a bomb shell on me thats shes joining the air force.. thats all fine and well and thats not what im irritated over its more because she dint even tell me she was thinking about it neither discussed it with me.. Me.. the person she "Loves" ? hmmmm fishy things.. but hey what could I do about it being 8000 miles away throw a fit and ruin my trip ? sike ! haha
I got back to a wonderful coming home from friends and family early in june.. 1st thing I went to do was go see Goof and to see how she was doing everything went well for about 1 week or so then we had our first fight ahhhh the happiness of relationship life doesnt always carry a positive aura around them. About a week later we went on a break for the first time because she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship.. which she clearly did state to me in the begining.. But ten why sucker me into being in a realtionship with you if thats not what U wanted ? her response.. "I dont wanna lose you" thats lovely I guess ? I knew from the begining she dint want anything with me because it took her friend and not her own decision to be with me, Yes your all probably wondering who the friend is but im gonna keep that to myself and goof.. Thanks by the way jackie for that ;]
We're on a break a second time and do you know what we fought about this time ? because she says Im trying to change her lol yea.. just for the record when we argue its like a person talking to air or maybe jesus ? you never get any response from the other.. I'll let you decide on whos role is whos.. and then she goes "I feel like your my parent" well hellfuckinglo if you said something instead of shutting the fuck up there maybe this would be something else rather than this shit! She forced herself to try and love and and hey i guess thats deserves aplause cause atleast there was effort there.. "ergo" the need for a golf clap.
So one night I take her to Musashi to go eat and talk shit out.. everythings well and she says shes going to work on bettering herself toward me.. after dinner at musashi i drop her off at her car parked at a gas station somewhere in chinatown.. before she does I ask her.. "call me when you get to scott's house k ?" she replies "ok" ..she doesnt call and then she twitters "havent heard from mav all day, wish he would call more" lol do you see something wrong here ? yea i know clipse that shit ! "u too" So already after we've talked not ever minutes after she messed up already.. but thats shit is little just let that shit go ya know ?
So I invite her over cause we havent seen each other in a few days cause of work and our schedules.. we go out to eat cause shes hungry and everything is cool.. usual us just messing around having a good time and talking about what were gonna do later which is usually stay the night at her house like she normally asks me to. We come back from dinner and look up movie times to go see a flick later on that night and while doing tha we were browsing through her pictures in her mac book.. and while going through some I throw a little "jab" if you would call it that by saying "gosh some of your friends make me look smaller" I had no intention of making fun of anyone wholeheartedly.. shes already mad at this point but doesnt show it or tell me as usual.. we get in the car and she lets out and tells me whats wrong but as usual i have to fucking force it out of her like im trying to rob someone ! so the whole way to the movies I appologize and tell her "it will NEVER happen again" and when I say that she knows i mean never again ! she still keeps jawing about it cause she thinks I dont have the right to say that.. I guess.. But just few nights before she was dissing her friend hard !! from my phone and her friend thought it was me for a sec until she told him it was her.. lol what sucks is her friends dont even like me.. her sister never had a good feeling about me and some friends as well but I cant help what they feel ya know ? I just do me and try to prove to them that Im not what they think.. So we go to the movies and I walk ahead of her instead of being the gentleman than Im =] I go ahead and go to the movies and meet her there 5 mins later.. we go in the theatre and i pull the armbar down because im this point im ticked off ! she goes "o so you mad at me now ?" i reply with HER usual reply.. "its whatever" we sit through the whole movie without saying a word to each other.. we get out of the theatre and I again I walk ahead of her.. this time she goes "can you please walk with me" I try to until we get downstairs where I headed to the sportsbook for a bit..
We meet each other in the car and Im still giving her the "no talking" shit she gives me whenever we argue.. (she starts getting frustrated) she ask where are we going now ? I go "I dont know its whatever" shes ticked evern more and finally decided to take me home.. she was asking which way to go and the whole way i reply with "I dont know its whatever" she is almost over the edge and for those of you thinking Im being a dickhead at this point you have to understand.. she does this to me all the time and I just wanted her to get a taste of her own medicine.. We get to my house and still no words exchanged.. She tries to talk to me and I dont say anything on purpose just to see how she would react.. she gets out of the car and says "im gonna get your sis to get you" shes popped at this moment.. I ask her "it doesnt feel good does it ?" you know what her reply was ? .."its whatever" lmao almost comical right ? obviously it wasnt whatever because actions speak louder than words.. We get in her car again and I drive off for us to talk.. and wow what a Suprise same scene all over again whenever we argue.. you get the picture ? she says we need a break again ? I reply "I cant be with someone that runs away from the issue or problem everything it surfaces" I told her if thats what she really wants so be it.. She wants the break to "better herself". On the drive again back to my house I reply with "If we break I dont nothing to do with you, first off you tricked me in being in this shit! and now this.. If we break to better yourself.. do it for your god damn self but dont come back ! you cant fix something that requires 2 people" as we pull up to my house I ask "Is there anything you wanna say before I go?" she replies "what do you want me to say ?"
I reply.. Stopping this break would be a good start but you obviously dont have that in your DNA ! I get out and close the door without looking back.. I get in the house say hi to moms and tell her i need to get out to get a drink i grabbed some cd's and from there went to my car to drive of to matts to meet him.. but as I go out I see goofs car still outside.. was she crying ? thinking about things ? idk she had tint so I couldnt really tell.. theres 2 scenarios that could've happened.. she could have thought about things and was she making a mistake or it couldve been she just really doesnt want anything to do with me.. either way.. Ive spoke my peace..
Im here she knows everywhich way to get a hold of me but I cant take this shit of lies and trickery. I can be civil and talk if need be wanted but thats her move not mine all she has to do is "open her mouth"
ahhhh an update turned into a vent session ! dammit !! thanks for reading everyone ! much love !!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
